| youth |
[21 Oct 2009|09:01am] |
echo: i would wait for you, boy... but it's been months without a word.
cosmo: and here i have left the others, despite all the leads i have taken from the stranger, i strayed in my quest to find you.
echo: and here we are, you crossed that canyon you thought uncrossable.
cosmo: if you could travel here then i knew i could as well.
echo: but we had different purposes behind our travels. sometimes that is all the difference needed.
cosmo: are you portraying a lack in faith in me?
echo: did you find what you were looking for?
cosmo: i found you. maybe you were what i was looking for all along?
echo: and if i am not?
cosmo: then if nothing else you are what i am looking for right now.
echo: and does it not concern you that we are both comparatively children? we have not yet reached maturity. what is to say we are ready for what this world has for us?
cosmo: what is to say this world is ready for what we have for it?
echo: cosmo, i am a reality, and you will learn.
subdue: ahead, feathers, can you see? can you see into that horizon? is that the kingdom we have searched for for all of this time?
flesh: yes. it is still a journey from here, but i see deeply ahead, past the orange lines of our sun and the forboding blue lines of the ever increasing second sun, ahead... yes. that is the kingdom.
subdue: and without cosmo, will we successfully be able to make that message?
flesh: cosmo has granted us what we need to know, besides; who ever listens to the young?
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| cats |
[21 Jul 2009|11:58am] |
in october of 2006 a cat found it's way to our back doorstep to die. it happened between 230am and 630am.
it was a stray neighborhood cat. we never fed it, never gave it reason to come to us, but it still found our porch to be the best place to lay down for the end of it's life.
this last winter a cat died in our front yard. this was a new cat, one we had not previously seen.
also, this last winter, my cat died. she's the one individual i am closer to than anyone, and she has already been gone for almost 6 months, but that's another story, and one i have previously posted. this has little relevance to the stray cat issue, and perhaps shouldn't even be included, but i see no reason for omission now...
this last weekend a cat found itself a place to stay on our back porch. it was in very poor condition, very weak, and in the morning it was given water and food. that evening the food had not been touched, but it had drank a lot of water. i gave it catnip hoping to spike its appetite and while it ate the catnip ferociously it didn't touch the food. it left that night, and has not returned. it seemed to be in a much better state when it left, though it still wasn't 100%.
i'm not sure what to make of this. i understand that time passed between the each incident, but the coincidence of this happening, nearly three times (i don't know that the last cat was going to make it had he not had some water and safe rest) really causes me to wonder. is it the fact that i enjoy cats more than anything in this world that causes them to come find me in their last hours? a conversation with my friend last night rotated around the concept of the possibility of an enhanced level of ESP attainable shortly before death that may explain this.
i'm not a religious person, or even one that gives much consideration towards an afterlife (though i still believe in reincarnation, and perhaps a ... version ... of an afterlife) but i am wondering... okay, honestly fantasizing... that this means these cats are coming to find me to be close to me now, knowing that they want to be near me in the afterlife. if i could live in a 'heaven' of just me and cats... seriously... i can't even begin to explain how great that would be.
but in any case, this causes me to wonder, still. why do these cats find me or my house? it's ... well... it's something.
and as always, i may just be reading too much into this.
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| namesake |
[04 Jul 2009|10:51pm] |
subdue: so the stranger... he will be okay?
cosmo: his name is grimm, and yes, he's a survivor.
subdue: and you received from him the necessary information?
cosmo: i do know now how to get there, now... he came from the kingdoms that began the undoing.
subdue: and he has knowledge of the events?
cosmo: he was an essential part of it, he was present and he survived what would be known as "the war".
subdue: and you now have those memories?
cosmo: yes... but oddly the prevelant memories take place in the years prior to that...
subdue: there was more?
cosmo: yes... it all built over the course of years, the events leading to "the war", and his absence helped to create it.
a few years before he set out to find... something... he left everything he knew behind him to find this.
flesh: sounds brave.
cosmo: it was very difficult, but he did it out of duty. he had to say goodbye to those he considered close, that was very difficult for him, mostly for saying goodbye to his father. the truth was, however, and he knew this, that his father had let go so long before, and he felt that in some way the seperation and leaving everything behind would be what may bring them closer, but that was not... no... that could not be the case.
flesh: why was this?
cosmo: grimm knew this... his father could not connect to his own son, and his son had to live in that shadow. he wanted so badly to please his father and to live up to the namesake he was given, but while at home could never do so.
flesh: his namesake?
cosmo: grimm was named after his uncle who had left the kingdom in search of "the war", an uncle he would later meet, and accompany back to the kingdoms... he would eventually follow his uncle's lead, against his own father, and then witness his death. grimm left the kingdoms, but his father brood still dwells there.
flesh: and that is who we are to find?
cosmo: i believe brood is to find us.
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| employ |
[03 Jul 2009|11:14pm] |
it's interesting to me how lists of best employers (let's use forbe's for instance) to work for change each year.
and not just by a small amount, it's not like there is some mild shuffling, or even just 10% come and go off the list, but that the list is so drastically different each year.
of course any private employer that is listed is a business in some form, and business is always changing, but it's weird to notice how a compalny can go from a good company to work for to a ... less than desirable company to work for in the course of only one year.
how often do people put years of their life into a company that has strong legs only to find that down the road it's buckling over and can no longer deliver the security and the [not-]promises it gave before?
(not promise being the term in that implications and statements made at one point in time are not promises or guarantees, but instead planned implications at best)
we're so much more aware today than we were even realistically 5 or 10 years ago, let alone 40-50 years ago, and everybody wants to work for the bet companies that promise the most growth ("everyone" is a loose term, this needs to be acknowledged). unfortunately, as today's times have proven, security is such a delicate thing.
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| endymion |
[16 Jun 2009|08:33am] |
brood: the days have become long and hot.
sandra: cas... couldn't take it anymore.
brood: what has she done?
sandra: cas has eaten the endymion berries, and she now lies to rest.
brood: again, was this the second sun?
sandra: there is something ore to that sun than it's heat and it's light. there is life in that sun.
brood: maybe a new life for our world?
sandra: no. it won't be that.
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[07 Jun 2009|12:04pm] |
faith and country
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| unraveling |
[26 May 2009|10:48pm] |
brood: the second sun, does it not shine beautifully in the sky?
sandra: it shines, but i cannot speak for it's beauty
cas: it's changing us, sandra and i...
sandra: it is true, my visions have ceased.
cas: and mine have waned into near-extinction.
sandra: the sky will fall for that new sun.
cas: heaven's fury will take us all.
sandra: it must be a meteor.
cas: or the anger of our betrayed deities.
brood: and what has caused this?
cas: you, of course, you have caused the unraveling of all.
subdue: and he is to be left here?
cosmo: he's been left before, many times.
subdue: will he survive?
cosmo: whether or not he does is not up to us, but he could go either way.
and with that, subdue, feathers, flesh, and cosmo traveled forward leaving behind the wanderer, who now seemed to be little more than a husk of a man.
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| money? |
[17 May 2009|02:11pm] |
as of recent... maybe the past couple years, i have come into contact with many people who have a very regular mindset that they cannot live (make and negotiate adequate living expenses) off of $13.00-$18.00 an hour.
to being, this state's current minimum wage is $8.55 an hour (highest state minimum wage in the country), and federal minimum wage is $6.55. this means that many of these individuals are making at least twice state minimum wage, and nearly three times federal minimum wage. the lower end of the spectrum still sees a healthy 50% higher than state and nearly double federal minimum wage.
this could be understandable in certain situations, individuals with many financial burdens (for lack of a better word) or serious investments, including children or paying off former college loans, but the people i am seeing this most from are younger generation individuals who may or may not be married, and almost exclusively have no children. some, in fact, live with their own parents, but maintain this mindset.
i am personally curious to know what has allowed this mindset to bloom within so many individuals.
setting aside the issues of entitlement that i believe is plaguing society as a whole i have a few ideas;
one hypothesis i have is the mindset of the proverbial rat-race hitting people at a much younger age. people are paying attention to the earnings of their peers in a more competitive matter.
following the successes financially and careerically (yea, i made that up, i tried m-w thesaurus, wikipedia, and google, and nobody had a good substitute... but a lot ofpeople have made that word up) of young members of generation x subsequent generations seem to be following the idea-mold that we need to be set with a serious career, executive positions, and our names on stars in the sidewalk to be wothy of anything by our mid-twenties at the latest.
[footnote: during the 90's a large impact of generation x joining the job market and taking up high ranking positions within corporations and gearing marketing as a whole to aim to younger demographics created a large change in the public's approach to how experience v youthful perspective would be measured by prospective employers. up and coming company's, celebrities in many areas of media, and overall buying power were all being pionered by this generation. no longer was marketing in america to be catering to responsible families with a number of children and one bread-earner, but instead was looking to how to capture the young and ambitious.]
so are we now at a point where we've all learned that you have to be on top of the mountain before middle age? if that is the case, what happens on the other side of the plateau, and how/when will we know-our predecessors haven't arrived there yet.
another viable opinion, for those that are less directed into an exact vocation (maybe i coulda used that word above...) i live in a strong military area. as much as the men in the service gripe about their pay, they actually bring home quite a bit of income every 15/16 days (this isn't the blog to argue about the payoff for the amount of time invested while in the service). in addition, the shipyard is nearby, and people can be hired with no former experience for amounts such as $18 an hour depending on how they place when they take the assessment tests and everything. with that potential opportunity existing without a need for prior experience (but of course knowing someone inside definitely helps), why waste time with a minimum wage job, or even one that makes a bit more than minimum wage, but requires some amount of education or is very stressful when this one here is available as long as you apply?
a last idea, though i'm sure i could come up with others, is the idea of educational payoff.
you can go to school for six years in one field and make six figures a year, or go to school for six years in a different field and make less than $30,000 a year.
that can be frustrating for anyone, i would imagine.
in any case, the comparison... knowing how people out there live on less than $10 an hour, not even working fulltime, and they seem to make it work versus others who cannot make due on a fulltime work schedule that may grant them over twice annually of what another makes... i'm not sure how that all adds up, but i know it doesn't.
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| darko |
[16 May 2009|03:33am] |
Just watched s darko.
Not impressed.
Got me thinkin, though. I know it's not comparable, natural causes and all, but I wish I could pull a donnie darko, go back a few months, and switch places with kriss.
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| longer |
[16 May 2009|12:10am] |
need to pull myself together and start working longer hours.
i feel like i'm really fuckin everything up.
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| sleeve 2 |
[07 May 2009|10:25pm] |
alright, video number 2...
it hurt like fuck.
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| sleeve |
[07 May 2009|02:13pm] |
i've not done a video entry in here before...
sleeve phase 1
i'm getting sleeve work done today.
that's about all that talks about.
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| driving |
[05 May 2009|09:37am] |
I've been waiting for the opportunity to drivemy new vehicle in the snow, and it's only come once, but last night I drove in perhaps the heaviest rain I've ever driven in.
On the way home, shortly after midnight, I got on the highway and was shortly behind a smaller sporty lookin vehicle. To be honest, the water was so thick coming down I could barely see their tail lights. They were breaking often, I can only assume to save themselves from hydroplaning, but I was completely safe myself, no issues.
I'm really glad I picked up an all wheel drive vehicle.
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| fleeting |
[03 May 2009|11:34pm] |
More than a year ago I left one employer and less than a month later began at a new one, less than half a mile down the road.
I work retail, so I see a very large number of people daily, that's always been my work history.
When I first changed locations I found great amusement in my transitioned anonymity. Customers from one business to the next did not to notice I was the same person from before. People that only knew me from my work that felt they knew me well enough to have a few words with me if they saw me anywhere else were suddenly unaware that I was the same person. People that had questioned me about my septum piercing (visible, though hidden) at the first employer would ask me all over again at the next one... it was entertaining as heck.
The part that I am noticing now, however is people who were more acquaintances than simply business related/customers today not knowing who I am. It's interesting how someone who at one time may have been excited to see me can now fail to recognize me in passing. It happens. People I continue to share mutual friends with, people who would have had a legitimate interest in myself and my life can now walk past me, establish eye contact with me, respond to my greetings, and not realize who I am.
I'm not sure what to think of this.
Am I simply a master of unintentional disguise, or is it a matter of my impression upon others being nothing more than fleeting and forgetable?
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| swine flu |
[03 May 2009|02:08am] |
i don't believe this swine flu nonsense is going to amount to anything, but i really wish it would.
if it kills 80% of north america, that would still be 10% too few.
that's all.
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| and but |
[02 May 2009|03:13am] |
And nothing changes
And I'm still here
And I still have a voice
But the language I grew up with means nothing today.
But you're not here
But everything remains
And the fingers will point
But the blame will be ignored
And the words will escalate
But the points will be forgotten
And the hurt will be had
But the healing will be rejected
And everything after everything will be a continuation of what was picked and chosen but not everything from everything.
And nothing will be heard but one's own voice.
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| time |
[26 Apr 2009|12:29pm] |
i wish there were more hours in the day, a lot of fun and great and fleeting things have happened between 630 friday night and midnight saturday, i could only wish i had a lot more time with all of them...
dinner with chris
movie, drinks, and fun with amy and shawn (i may have spelled his name wrong)
bumping into tessa and josie
sleep over at amy's
talking with amy about collaborative ideas
getting my septum tusk (pyrex-red)
leaving my debit card at the bar
going back to seattle after coming home for three hours to pick up said card
seeing tessa and bsing forever
getting my card and talkin to the bartender who was the friendliest person possible
spending tenish minutes catching up with aaron
another few hours with maxi
i got this started on wednesday, few more visits are in order
and the new tusk, it seems a little small, though
sparkle team-GO!
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[18 Apr 2009|10:09pm] |
I enjoyed seein jenny more than she enjoyed seein me soooo much.
I win.
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| froze |
[18 Apr 2009|09:30am] |
So in my dream last night, jenny and I are hangin out, then we go to our cars and well... you know when you are on the phone but you don't want to say "bye" first? We did like that. We both turned our cars on and stared at each other until our windows fogged over. So as not to break our stare, neither of us turned on our wipers. Hours passed. The sun came up. Another person got in their nearby vehicle and I suddenly realized exactly what had happened.
I start up my car and turn on the wipers (somehow the ice magically came off my car) and get ready to leave. Jenny does the same.
Then the entire parking lot we are in, which is ginormous, is covered in ice and we have a hell of a time leaving. The other person trying to drive doesn't make it.
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| appreciate |
[18 Apr 2009|02:16am] |
a while back i posted a blog titled "what happened"
the intent of that blog was to explain to people around who knew something had changed in my life, but didn't know what.
it also served as a means of me expressing my feelings towards the situation all at once, and in one organized fashion.
i don't like talking about it. didn't then, don't now.
since it's not a subject i feel comfortable opening the door on, i left the public explanation there for everyone to read, so i
don't repeat myself and my story, again and again.
tonight i was out at coffee and i heard the song i listed in that blog; snow patrol "chasing cars".
i don't know if i could have listened to it or not, so i opted that we go outside to smoke (i don't but my company, jennuar, does).
in any case, this has been long overdo.
for everyone that responded to my entry, public or private, and there were many of you, thank you.
it meant a lot to me to hear your words, thoughts, and your compassion.
not responding to each person individually is ... well... it's something on my part, and i offer my apologies, yet i have a hard
time revisiting this subject. but honestly, if you said anything to me in any way, please, please know that i cannot express
how much it meant to me, and i appreciate your time and everything to read what i wrote and to respond so kindly.
i know it was a lot to read, in length and in context. i can certainly identify that.
and jenny, thanks for coffee tonight. i was glad to see you.
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