| last |
[08 May 2008|02:46pm] |
i could hear the siren's blaring through the neighborhood but all was well within my house. eventually the lights danced across my living room further distracting me from my priorities on the television screen.
eventually the sounds stopped, though a trace of light could still be seen on the far side of the room.
again, a neighbor was being rushed onto a stretcher to be taken to the emergency room. though i took a glance, and made a mental note that this was another time, but figured it, like all times before wouldn't be the last, i went back to my program, which was bringing joy, not sorrow, to my young life.
days later, the neighbor would return, to little consequence of my little life, and i would never mind that each time could be the last.
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| mind |
[06 May 2008|11:22pm] |
does a mature mind at a young age segue to a dead mind at a mature age?
should senility be factored in there somewhere perhaps?
i'm tired of this. what's the purpose of having friends if you can't get into contact with anyone ever?
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| everyday |
[30 Apr 2008|12:57pm] |
turn the day off on your way out.
it's the things you live for; waking up when you may not want to, subject to the grind, enjoy the things you don't notice, take for granted, but yet think about when time stands still.
after this you have your weekends and holidays, and those times when the others are forgotten to be so, but instead are just a communal part of your own life.
but that is not what matters now. in this day, like all else, you live and you forget. you see clearly what may be coming, but it's only hazy what is far off, but that's okay, this is the day, this is the time when you experience so much, even if you don't acknowledge it. on the jobsite, the business public, the commute, and the lunchbreaks there is everyone you see and everyone that sees you, the interaction is controlled and you share these moments with so many you don't and may never know. these are the ones who will remember you for this, but may never have the opportunity to know you for anything else, but that's really okay, you will do the same and not think twice about it. that's what the day was for.
so you've put in your time, and now it's time to forget about everything behind you and focus on the precious little time you will remember more clearly, and looked forward to for so long. so go head and head on out into that world, just don't forget to turn the day off on your way out.
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| snow |
[30 Apr 2008|02:56am] |
it snowed today.
i came home from work and there was slush on the corner of the deck against the house. at first i assumed it may have been hail, but then i saw snow in the flower pot.
i've been saying that if we don't get summer again this year that i will move out of state. i don't consider june july and august of '07 to be summer. there wasn't a night where i could comfortably be outside in a t-shirt, there were days, but once the sun set, no nights. speakin of, i am in a shirt, hoodie, and carhartt coat indoors and still kinda cold. it's april... well... 30th now. that's just ridiculous.
i can't seem to eat enough. it's sickening. i should be dragged out in the street and shot.
june i will be going to canada, actually end of may to june. maybe mexico in july. that gives me all of august to decide if i need to leave. how fuck*... that word that means that you want to keep watching to see what happens... i tried using the meriam webster thesaurus online, but for somre reason that site likes to think that thesaurus means to define words. you know, like a dictionary.
one time, years ago, a customer asked me where to find the "theysars dictionary" it took me a moment to figure out what she meant, and so i clarified that she meant thesaurus and dictionary, she told me it was part of her kid's school list of what would be needed that year. i explained that it sounded like they needed a thesaurus and dictionary, then explained what a thesaurus was, but she refused to believe me and decided to try looking elsewhere for her "theysars dictionary". it's been a few years, i wonder if that unfortunate kid is failing their WASL about now.
i looked up information regarding the case on my friend billy and what the court had decided about the 6 defendants. i may have forgotten or failed to realize, but two of the ... people... that were part of this were 15 at the time. i couldn't read the whole articles, even still, but the verdicts made are... well, something. objectively, i know the judicial system is in operation and this is an everyday sorta thing, so i can't rightfully question all of that, but as a person not personally familiar with the case as it was, but having instead known him, it's just hard to swallow.
*suspense. that is the word i was looking for earlier. i'll make a star to cite this. there, i did it.
i've had really horrible congestion lately. it keeps me from sleeping well at all. i wake up at least every 2-3 hours, and it's not strange to sleep no more than 4 hours at a time, but some nights i get 5-6. of course the nightmares aren't helpin either. i had a really grotesque one the other night. in it i was on the phone with someone who i knew who was dying and needed me/us to get him something to stop him from dying. we couldn't pull through and then i saw like a glimpse of what was happening in his home with his small child sitting on the floor and his arm coming out from under the bed reaching for the phone. his arm was weird lookin and bleeding profusely everywhere, then after the call he put the phone back out and his fingernails had gone black and his arm was black and charred looking and i forget what he had said each time, but it wasn't exactly the sorts of thigns a small child wants to hear from a father who is trying best to hide his deterioriating condition from his son as he rots quickly under a bed. there was blood all over the place. it was pretty gross. his voice sounded understandably awful as well. his skin was all sorts of weird yellowy colours and such. yea. it was pretty unpleasant. and his kid was there just sitting on the floor watching. but i fell asleep after that one so i forgot a lot of details.
overall, this is causing me to be narcoleptic, and falling asleep randomly throughout the day. i'm also lethargic and exhausted often. it's getting really annoying. i think the congestion is from the cold, to be honest.
i've lost interest in my comic books. i have a few from each of the last three weeks that i have not opened. hmm.
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| silk |
[26 Apr 2008|07:07pm] |
i have never cared for silk soy milk. i always thought it was subpar to even the really cheap brands... just me. recently, i was buying it to drink, as it was all that was available at work for soy milk.
well... now that i started drinking it, a product recall has come out as it has unlisted cow's milk protein in it.
fuckin shit.
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| time |
[26 Apr 2008|12:56pm] |
when the rivers have dried to a cracked flat of clay will you still come here?
when the trees no longer bear fruit but instead stand nearly charred in the everlasting sun, will you bring food to these residents?
when the fish and wildlife have died off with nothing to eat, and the people continue to harvest for naught, when the curse that this land holds takes it's toll on the loyalists who have nowhere to go, nowhere to leave from a place once called home, will you leave your door open for those willing to travel to it?
don't say something you can't back up.
it was a planet on a different orbit anyways, distancing was bound to occur, it was only a matter of time.
and then unlike stories, time doesn't end.
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| japan |
[22 Apr 2008|10:42pm] |
i kinda wish i lived in japan. especially when i see things like this
that is from the monthly game that is a sequel to final fantasy iv (2 in us).
the character in front is the son of the two directly behind him and the five that line the back are the five that were present end-game of the original.
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| hmmm... |
[21 Apr 2008|02:10pm] |
hmmm...
yea. lots to think about.
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| firearm |
[14 Apr 2008|05:13am] |
there's nothin like a good few hours to put the world into perspective. how does so much change when so very little changes? and why is it several hours and several minutes can be almost interchangable when you're not minding it?
knowing the potential for change is one thing. the change itself is never as exciting. makes me want to become mad efficient with a firearm.
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| live |
[14 Apr 2008|04:49am] |
grimm: ...and then it all had to happen...
voice: well then, you seem to be ready to say more?
grimm: ...i suppose.
voice: backtrack for me. when did it begin.
grimm: she was the first to go.
voice: dispel?
grimm: yea. she simply could not follow any longer, and opted to go home.
voice: how did that affect you?
grimm: i knew it would be the case sooner or later, to be honest. as strong of a support as she was, and consistent, it would only be a matter of time.
voice: do you know what came of her following this?
grimm: no. none of them have i heard from in the time since.
voice: and how long passed since?
grimm: with no one else around, i have no concept of time. it wasn't until you fell, that i even realized that i must truly be alive. how ironic.
voice: ironic?
grimm: an angel fell from above to guide me... an angel... and that is the other it took for me to realize i am truly alive. it's just not quite the sign one would expect to prove their living mortality.
voice: i guess it is different for everyone.
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| heart |
[12 Apr 2008|12:36am] |
my heart is beatin really hard.
tmobile has been absolute crap for communication lately. i have a friend who has several texts and voicemails appear a day late on his phone, and this has been the norm as of late for him. i don't know of any of my problems being so bad, but it has been for more than two months now that texts and phone calls have been sporadically late, missed, etc...
dogs are weird to me.
some days drag on and on and on, but they make no sense, in that the hours still pass quickly.
i feel like i am missing something or forgetting something.
something has changed. not sure what, but something has.
a dynamic missing. well... not just that, something altogether. like a different life has begun, but i am still errantly residing in the incorrect past one. maybe not the past one as much as somehow slipped over into an incorrect parallel one that still allows me to spectate the occurences of the one i was meant to transition into.
oh well, guess that's schizophrenia for ya!
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| home |
[01 Apr 2008|09:29am] |
voice: you were silent all day yesterday, grimm.
grimm: it was an... anniversary.
voice: an anniversary of what?
grimm: just an anniversary...
voice: what is troubling you?
grimm: ...i... i need to go home.
these days brood had all but forgotten grimm. yet with his mind off his final reminder, having sent his son out to war, he could finally concentrate on maintaining his kingdoms as he may have one day dreamed. he continued to prepare his armies for the potential conflicts to arrive, but began concentrating his energies on his civilian kingdom and extending the hospitalities he was again learning into his soldiers' kingdom to create a place for all to enjoy once more.
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| combo |
[30 Mar 2008|09:48am] |
so, yesterday i learned that at taco del mar you can buy a COMBO MEAL!
this is fer serious, a HUGE deal to me!
okay, so like, here you go, you get this burrito that is damn near the size of your head... or at least damn near the size of my pygmy head... and you eat it and you are like "that was really fuckin good, shitcockmymouth, but i just didn't get enough fuckin food to eat!" --enteeeeeerrrrrrrr the COMBOOOOOOO MEEEEEEEEAL!!!!-- you can also get chips and salsa, chips and queso, or beans and rice, so you have THAT MUCH MORE TACO DEL MAR FOOD to feast upon while you are there! you also get a soft drink, but i'm not big on those, so that was kinda meh, but whatev.
in any case. yum. no joke. soooo excited. i'm even... dare i say it? yes. yes i dare. i'm COMBO excited!
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| voice |
[28 Mar 2008|01:53am] |
grimm: my exact ideals are never in place it would seem. one day i am heading straight for the war, ready to exact my revenge for what it has already cost it's victims... but the next day, i am ready to lie down and all the war to find me belly-up.
voice: and either way, you know you won't be happy.
grimm: this is true.
voice: yet you go on?
grimm: i don't know how to make the choices...
voice: so instead you go on each day, living it as if it were a domino in place between two unknown points?
grimm: that it would seem.
voice: and you've taken to talking to yourself?
grimm: the others...
voice: no need to cry, grimm.
grimm: the others left me.
c____: and so it would seem grimm has weakened.
pilot: at least for now.
c____: and the war may be ready to rear it's head, knowing the adversary can no longer take it on.
pilot: very true.
c____: and if the war were to make it past grimm... would you believe it could take on brood's kingdom?
pilot: it would be a formidable battle, but brood's entire kingdom? it would hold up.
c____: and brood?
casey: i don't think he would want to live past his understanding of what had happened to grimm.
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| departure |
[23 Mar 2008|12:23pm] |
as had been discussed for years past, upon reaching adulthood brood would allow his son to venture out into the world as his uncle had done looking for the war that would threaten to potentially destroy all.
the day came (and has since went) for the youth to leave behind the kingdom in which he grew up. as bittersweet an event as this should have been, no displeasure was experienced by the youth or brood himself as the parting were to occur.
youth: i hope to not only find this war and stop it before it reaches your kingdom, father, but to also find your brother, grimm, and return him home as well.
brood: you will do what you do. you've been trained your entire life to be a soldier, if you should find this war, i trust you to do what is right.
youth: of course, father.
brood: and your men? they are all as prepared to see this through until their end?
youth: my men know the risks, but they won't see their end, as long as i am alive.
brood: don't be clouded by arrogance, son.
youth: i'm only confident.
the youth left that night into the countryside with his men, and did not look back, though if he had, he would not be surprised to see that his father had already moved on to his next endeavor, paying no mind to his son's leaving.
that evening brood would find that though he was able to escape his actions from himself the thoughts of his wife would not abandon the subject.
still: brood, how could you see your son away with no remorse?
brood: he made his decisions as he aged to become an adventurer, i had no say in his vacating my kingdom.
still: though you trained him to be a soldier, not raising him to be your son?
brood: this has been a harsh time for our kingdoms, we cannot afford folly.
still: having a son would have been a folly?
brood: allowing him to grow into weakness would have.
still: you gave him no chance to become a man, a fighter and a leader, yes, but no time to become human.
brood: he was human in deciding to leave this kingdom.
still: he left to follow in the footsteps of his uncle he never met, brood. where he could never satisfy you as a son, he adopted the example of his uncle, hoping to capture your attention that way, by modeling after a man he knew you loved and respected.
brood: ...
still: our son is gone, brood. because of a memory you could never let go, yet never come to terms with. if our son is successful in all he hopes, he'll return with things you are not ready to confront.
you drove him away, but if he comes back, you must be ready to accept him, and everything he brings back.
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| path |
[14 Mar 2008|11:51am] |
pilot: i think i knew this was coming.
c____: ... i'm sorry
pilot: yea... it's okay. thank you for your concern, though.
c____: of course.
pilot: it's strange how fast it happens. but at the same time how long it takes to happen.
c____: and how it doesn't seem to change or end, but it's always different?
pilot: no, that part just sucks.
c____: if only i could make it better...?
pilot: thank you. again.
c____: and for once you admit comfort in this?
pilot: maybe that's what progress is about. ?
c____: but you're really thinking?
pilot: compromise? or the thing you know i don't want to say?
c____: grimm ended another night in their journey, having a seat with a look of despair...
grimm: i would estimate it has been close to two decades of traveling for us. though i have the years to press on, i'm not sure that my health will hold out. if we are to overcome this unknown, we must each be prepared, regardless of circumstances that lead up to our final confrontation.
dispel: we've come all this way together, we can't simply give up hope now?
grand: she's got a point, sir. but i know you don't intend for us to give up hope... grimm wants us to know to be brave and strong, and to complete what we started, whether he survives or not. we need to all be ready to take on this war.
grimm: yes, grand. that is precisely what needs to be done. this isn't about myself, or the whole of us, but about what we came to complete. not simply begin.
dispel: how will we know what to do without your leadership?
wake: that is up to us. grimm, you trust each of us to maintain this without you, is that correct?
grimm: of course.
wake: as you denounced yourself our equal, not our leader all those years ago.
dispel: he still knows--
wake: as much as we know, at this point in time. we are all following an invisible trail, no leads, no clues, and no idea what we are to be facing when we get there.
dispel: we've been following grimm's instincts, he is leading us--
wake: perhaps his instincts are in err.
grand: his instincts have lead us to where we are now, and whether or not that has been a flawless path, is not to be judged.
grimm: there is no need to argue. as wake has said, i denounced myself years ago, he is correct. we will have to continue on either as a singular movement, or allow a division. but tonight will not be the night to make such decisions.
grand: sir, i understand you our equal, but i still expect your leadership. you simply have the skills and experience.
grimm: i am here with and for you. i will continue to offer that.
grand: thank you, sir.
though the exchange left grimm with a doubt he had not yet felt, he knew he must keep it to himself if he were to allow time to pass. the destination had not been met, and the amount of time it would take to get there was not able to be determined. another night of sleep would need to be tended to.
doubts would continue to feed in the minds of the others this night, as they had been. and how many nights must pass, they may question, or maybe moreso, how many years must be lost to this conflict unproven?
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| RIP |
[13 Mar 2008|09:34am] |
tuesday, march 11th, 2008 sometime between 11 and midnight it happened.
i was there with you until the final moments, when you blew out like a dead star. it happened so quickly and so quietly, if i hadn't have been there at that moment, it may have taken until the next morning before i found you.
after more than 9 years, i don't know what to say, but i'm glad i had you for as long as i did.
RIP
i will miss you, sonicare toothbrush.
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| radio |
[06 Mar 2008|09:57pm] |
almost gettin hit by a car just a few blocks from where i got hit almost a year ago in almost the exact same fashion is pretty lame.
jus sane.
i don't care for talk radio in the mornin.
when i am listenin to the radio in the morning, it's like goin to work. during that time, i don't want to think, i just wanna hear music, gnome sane?
every now and then a new station will emerge and be all amazing and play music, and a lot of it. djs are minimalized, and you get to here songs only interupted when necessary.
somehow, however, it never fails that they get a morning show fulla djs. they always open it with "you demanded it, now you get it, the mornin' show with douchey mcdoucherson, and dumbass talkstoomuch in the morning!". no. i didn't fuckin ask for it, and whoever did needs to eat shit for dinner and not brush their teeth before goin to bed, cuz i mean fuckin COME ON... ANOTHER station full of people talking all morning?
fer serious. i could toon into any station, doesn't matter what format they are, what genres they play, i'll find people talking, i just want to hear something good playing. hell, i don't care, actually, i'll listen to crappy music in the morning, i'll likely enjoy it either way, i just get tired of hearing people.
but when it comes to listenin to morning shows, i like there to be a mix of genders. not two guys and the girl that acts like a ditz, and not two girls and a guy who can't use bigger than five letter words, i mean people that can converse. when you get too heavy on one gender for those shows it becomes even more inane, with girls bitching about boyfriends, guys bitchin about girlfriends, asking their listeners for advice... yea.
i've listened to too many people talk in the morning. i'm pretty much just gripin.
dogs are weird. they remember you for great lengths of time, but at the same time, they aren't the most intelligent creature. they have a good emotional memory, if they loved you before, they'll still love you now and again, but they are very limited in expressing these things. at the same time, when you're out of sight, it's hard to know just how out of mind you are to them. it's not like they can pick up a phone and call you. even if they could though, would they? what if they could get in a car and drive on over and visit you any time? what if they knew what you did and potentially where you might be going if and when you leave their home, would they care to check up on you, would they wonder how you were doing and maybe send you a card or a text message?
i guess it's hard to say.
translation in any form is never perfect. it's also easily clouded by one's own subjective perceptions. and with that, how easy is it to ever just read too far into things?
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| duel |
[02 Mar 2008|10:40pm] |
reckless stood for the first time in weeks as the storm raged on. day would not break, and only the periods of the howling moon forcing it's menacing grin through the clouds gave him any indication that time was not at an absolute standstill.
"why will you not take me?", reckless cried to the heavens, though the silent response could not be heard over the crashing waves and the ripping winds. "where have i erred in this short time?"
the path would not be clear, yet it was plain as ever. "the mistakes that you've made?" was heard to him.
"the mistakes are just that, and i am still but a youth!"
"the decisions formed, were that of a man."
"i have acted with no cowardice, does that make me a man?" again, though nothing but silence was ready to respond, leaving reckless as questioning as he had been before.
standing to the storm, restless grimaced in his misgivings. as the hours passed, he felt no stronger, nor weaker as he witnessed the sun break the horizon. within the hour he saw the storm come to a standstill.
c____: so is he in the eye again, or has he emerged finally?
pilot: i think he's finally on the other side.
c____: that's a different concept.
pilot: isn't it? and what with you?
c____: you knew it would be nothing but a matter of time.
pilot: it always is.
c____: a union would mean nothing but strength.
pilot: a union would be giving division a home.
c____: well... yea, with that attitude.
pilot: it had been months since reckless had been on solid ground, though he felt it may be a necessity, he had no drive to find a suitable land to find himself sustenance.
c____: how did he live without for all that time?
pilot: you'd be surprised at what people can do. oftentimes it's most distinguished when it's one of the last things they believe they can do.
c____: duel?
pilot: i don't think that's fair.
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| kitsap |
[29 Feb 2008|01:37pm] |
i'm so amazingly full of dread right now.
the one thing i want right now above all else is to live anywhere but kitsap.
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